The power of compliments
And what they do to you and others
“You look beautiful today.”
“What a nice dress! It suits you.”
“I like your hair this way.”
In the past, I would have felt very uncomfortable hearing these types of compliments, or I felt the need to immediately reciprocate them. As if I owe the person something.
This has changed by now. I am not dismissing those words anymore, but simply replying with kindness.
My relationship with compliments has been tricky. As if I would not allow myself or others to be seen in a kind, beautiful, meaningful etc way.
To be honest, it is very destructive. Because it basically means, I can not see myself as kind, beautiful, pretty etc, so I don’t allow others to point it out.
I also indirectly dismissed their effort to be kind to me. I judged those compliments as superficial. Cos yeah, my hair is nice (Thanks to my genes & my parents); and sure, the dress sis pretty (Thanks whoever designed it).
But its not about that. It’s about receiving. Which I was very bad at :D
Ca. 1.5 years ago I wrote about the different types of compliments here:
In short, I would categorize compliments, like that (in order of increasing meaningfulness):
1. Compliments about physical appearance. (least meaningful)
2. Compliments about accomplishments.
3. Compliments about the personality.
4. Compliments about how we make others feel. (most meaningful)
To me, the last category, how we make others feel is still one of the most valuable compliments we can give and receive.
It is about gestures and presence mostly, sometimes not even words are needed. We simply make people feel a certain pleasant way.
Since then, I have decided, that I would like to add another category of compliments, one that I have encountered more and more, that I did not quite managed to pinpoint till now.
I will call them “Compliments to the soul” for now. Not sure yet if this is a good description, but I will try to explain what I mean.
Let’s say, that I received a “Soul-compliment”, this means that someone is able to deeply see inside of my inner core.
Passing my physical appearance, my accomplishments and titles, who I am and how I behave and how I make them feel. They simply acknowledge my deepest inner core.
Sometimes it can sound like “I love to get insights into how you think, through reading your writing.”
Sometimes it is a certain look; sometimes it is the pause after I said something, the glance before they say a word.
Sometimes it is a touch, a feeling, unspoken silence or a laughter.
It sometimes it is as well the acknowledgement of all those four categories AND more.
To me, it often includes the energy I spread, what I emenate and manage to create in the other person. Like my soul touches theirs.
And to me, these are the most precious compliments we could receive and give.
If I don’t know someone so well, it is a bit harder to give those compliments. But I try to couple them to some tangible action, like e.g. explaining that I enjoy the safe space someone is able to create for me to feel secure.
Its not directly an action, a trait or a physical appearance, it is what this person manages to create with their energy and transfer that to me.
Hahahaa… writing is very strange I think, because I feel that words are just so limiting in describing these experiences.
But I hope that you know what I mean.
As some concrete examples: I have a bunch of hiking friends that I go on adventures with, in the summer and in the winter. We trust each other, we know that we can rely on each other, we know our weirdnesses, quirks and strange-nesses.
Yet we are there for each other, creating this safe space, because of the connection we all have with each other, through our souls, no matter how old we are, where we are from, what we do, how we look.
It’s just there, forged over time, taken care of & being strengthened with every adventure we do. Its a constant soul-based example, anchored in real world adventures.
Another example: I got to know a great dancer, who is amazing at creating such a safe bubble while dancing, that I feel I recalibrate every time we dance.
It is beyond the technicality of the dance, beyond the music, our chemistry, the lyrics or anything else. It is an energetic interaction that only can come from a soul level, at least that is what I believe.
And complimenting someone on that is the best thing ever!
Because in the end: the more you really mean a compliment, and the deeper and more profound it is, the more will you touch the innermost part of another person and their soul and basically spread love, care and compassion.
People feel lonely, disconnected, sad, frustrated, fearful & & & a lot of times. And receiving a heartfelt, beautiful soul-compliment is what will make them thrive, at least for a tiny moment and forget about their struggles.
Try it! You can see it in their face! It lights up, they become brighter, their body posture changes and they start to shine.
And this will have ripple effects on you, and anyone else they interact with as well!
Now imagine: if we all would see each other as these beautiful souls and appreciate that and share soul-compliments with each other: how much kinder, more compassionate and loving would the world become?
I dare you to try it out! And see how it effects the other and what it does to you. Because you will immediately see the other person as more beautiful as well!
I truly believe we need to pay more attention to the epart of us, that is our inner most being, our core and soul. In the end, this is what counts, cos this is what is left.
Our physical body will disappear, our accomplishments will become irrelevant, our material wealth will be gone… and off is our soul, floating into the next adventure of life.
Let’s start strengthening it, make it thrive, so we release it as bright and shiny as possible!
Love,
Daria
Oh, and let me know how it goes when you spread around soul compliments into the world ;)