… and I told her as well, that I hated saying it. I would have never thought I would say something like that.
Until today. Boom. I said it.
I also said, of course she can feel her feelings, always, they should not be dismissed. We just sometimes need to realize that feelings can be wrong. They can make us feel a reality that is not the actual reality.
Therefore: its great to question our feelings sometimes.
Sooo, maybe you ask yourself why I said it, or maybe you got triggered “How dare she say that to her friand?!” All valid. Think what you think, feel what you feel. And if I pulled a trigger, know I didn’t mean to. That is just the nature of triggers, they come randomly, out of nowhere, from strangers…
Anyways, back to my friend. And you know who you are, just to warn you my dear: this is basically a little love letter for you & your amazingness. So enjoy ;)
She is amazing, one of the most amazing and beautiful, and impressive, and smart, and funny, and insightful and brilliant, and human humans I know. She really is. And people that know her, know all of that too.
The only person who seems to not know it, is herself. She notoriously underestimates herself. On all kinds of levels. Professionally, personally, human-ly.
I regularly praise her, tell her how awesome she is & how much I appreciate her. She has certain traits within herself that make her stand out from many people.
For example, she can hold space for anything and anybody, for me she can do that, anytime. She is like this stable rock in the sea, nothing will destroy her. She is present, remembers things, she takes nothing personal and does not interfere. Just some of the awesome things about her.
We live in two different countries, we got to know each other in advanced art classes in highschool, we never worked together but since almost a decade we send voicemails back and forth & are deeply involved in our lives. So I see things, I hear things, I connect dots & I know her brilliance & I told her that everybody else knows it too.
Especially at work. She said several times “But you cant know, we don’t work together.” Duh, I dont need to do that, I know how she is, I hear what she tells me & to me it is obvious that others see what I see. To her its not.
SO, to come to the point: this last week, she finally got the data, the real numbers, that within her department, she is the top performer. And she works part time. She got several feedbacks from people telling her about her excellence and brilliance. She was told about it.
The discrepancy between what she feels about herself, and how others perceive her couldn’t be more different. Her own self-perception is simply wrong. Her feelings about her adequacy or inadequacy are wrong.
She had in black on white, told by someone else, that she is the top performer. Number ONE! And trust me, if I say that she surely is amongst the top three performers in her company, I wouldnt be surprised if she would also be Number one there. But we will see, time will tell ;).
And you know what? She is the most chilled & non-stressed person I know, she lives her life, travels, learns, does her hobbies, loves her work, stays human and refuses to use dumbing-down-AI tools at work & stays as human as possible. She works in customer support & will keep on communicating as the person she is, staying relatable and connecting to her clients at all costs. And: she is LOVED for this!
So now, what does that mean? It means that sometimes, our feelings and thoughts about ourselves are simply wrong. They do not represent what is real.
That doesn’t mean these thoughts & feelings are unreal, they are very real, & their effect on our self-worth is tremendous. Not quite as positive I would say.
It also doesnt mean that we should or could just stop feeling or thinking them. Its difficult, they serve a purpose.
It only means, that maybe, maayyyybeeee we could start questioning these negative & critical voices in our heads.
Maybe you are actually quite accomplished. Maybe you are more lovable than what you think. Maybe your kindness is what people love about you. Maybe people want to spend time with you, because you make them feel great. Maybe all that, maybe being you is a superpower for those around you who love you, work with you & live with you.
Maybe, you do not need to be fake-humble, maybe you could admit that you nailed that presentation. Maybe you could be more confident & ask for the salary raise. Maybe you are worthy to set a boundary & not be exploited.
Maybe, just maybe: you are more amazing than you think.
And if I am honest, I want to cross out the “maybe”:
YOU ARE AMAZING! MORE AMAZING THAN YOU THINK!!!
And that is it for today.
And I really hope that YOU my lovely friend, will one day realize how amazing and exceptional you are!!
I really felt the urge to write this, right now. After I have been slacking off my writing in these last weeks.
So I am sorry about that & thank you all for still being around, in this fluctuating life, navigating humanness, grief, explosions of ideas, motivation, art, exhibitions, memorial weekends, sick & angry cats, sleepless nights & all :)
I wont ever stop writing & sharing, I just do not know if I can stick to one freaking schedule for a long time. I really don’t. Maybe I dont have to either.
I love to use my bursts of creativity & motivation & thoughts instead. So you will get this random email into your mailbox today, not on a Sunday, but a Friday.
May the upcoming weekend be calm, exciting, relaxing or adventurous for you. Whatever you need, may you find it in these next couple of days!
Love,
Daria