Why am I not wealthy or rich?
From "Money is evil" to seeing money as the tool & energy it is
I don’t mean a rich-bi***, I mean a 37-year-old that does not have to worry about money.
Why did I not manage to get financially stable till now? Just by myself, through my own skills, not just by being employed!
I got angry two weeks ago. Angry at myself, feeling that I failed the Daria that I am, the family & friends that I have, the potential life that I could have had.
And yes I know, money is not everything. It never was, it is not everything now & will never be everything for me either. This is not the point.
I am just sick of money being a taboo topic. Or a topic to over-use and exploit. I want money to be a normal freaking thing! Something that I don’t have to think about.
I used to hate money, think it is evil, diabolic, manipulative, it does harm and it is only used for terrible things. Money was dirty, something to not speak about and annoying, also not abundantly available.
I also thought money makes people bad, destroys their character… now I know, money just shows who you truly are.
So today I want to share with you my Money-story, how I got shaped, what changed and why.
Along the way I will share take-home messages with you, that I feel are important to remember, each one of us.
Not to dwell on our pasts & sulk, but rather to observe, be aware and take aligned actions to change our destiny.
Take-home messages from this:
Feel your feelings, your anger, frustration, sadness, grief & disappointment. It is crucial to live and feel them, not suppress them. Use them as a guiding light for exploring your true motives and motivation in life!
Be as open & honest with yourself as you can. Self-deception is pointless, even if it hides pain. It actually makes it grow larger in the dark.
Growing up as an immigrant kid
I grew up as one of the daughters of parents with two girls, I moved from Poland with my mom being pregnant with my sister when I was 1.5 years old. We grew up in Germany.
And I am just so proud of how my parents did everything! Starting their life from scratch again, learning the language, going to school, getting jobs, driving licences etc, with two toddlers on their side!
These two toddlers regularly undergoing surgeries because of their disabilities was another aspect I admire them about. I cannot imagine how freaking tough that was!
We always had everything we wanted, I never had the feeling we had no money, we went on vacations several times per year, often back home to Poland for weeks, to spend time with our family there.
But also to other countries, to the sea, the mountains etc. We also got pocket money.
My mom always hated financial paperwork and growing up and encountering other people, often immigrants as well, money was always something you would not speak about.
Or, it was this evil things that others had more of & people were jealous. We had this one friend of our family who constantly spoke about the lottery he would win one day, each & every visit
I admired the german-born friends I had, who lived in big, beautiful houses, while we lived in apartments. It was, and still is, a big thing for me to live in a house. By now my parents have a house in Poland as well & that will be inherited to us in the future.
Take-home messages from this:
Be aware of your past, your upbringing and conditioning. It will reflect to you what happened, why and how it shaped you. Ideally it makes you realize, you have the power to change who you are now. it might also help you to decide how to raise your own kids.
Our parents do the best they can. Blaming them, finger-pointing, sulking and victimizing yourself won’t help. Ever. You better realize this as quickly as possible. Then forgive, love & again: take aligned actions to do and bee different.
Money was this dirty thing, just to be used to get what I wanted
So, I grew up in a certain setting, with certain people, certain believes, learned and saw certain situations and circumstances in my life and other people’s lives.
All this formed me, made me dislike money, or most of the time, just not care about it. I deeply did not want to be bothered by it, I felt that it is just something we need for life.
I used my pocket money for what I wanted to buy, be it candy, a magazine or something else. I did not want to ask my parents for money, as I had my own that they gave me anyways.
My sister was different, she saved her pocket money & asked my parents for more when she needed something. Two veery different strategies, of two sisters growing up in thee same household.
I always refused to make money the main motivating factor in my life, a reason to do, or not do certain things.
I would have never studied or learned something only for the reason to make a lot of money. I needed to enjoy what I study, what I learn, do and how I live my life. Money was never my reason No. 1. for anything.
My first boyfriend and I had several heated discussions, cos he saw it very differently. It was a motivation for him to get a lot of money. I never understood that.
For me it was plain bad. Even though I understood the argument to be able to provide for his parents and family. I still understand that as an argument today.
Take-home message from this:
How did you use money? What did money represent to you? The answers to these questions will help you understand your money mindset better.
Even though I hated money, I started a business
And guess what: not because of the money I could make, but because I loved the idea I had to start a business.
In short: I studied biology because I love nature & science. I did my PhD in Plant Physiology because I loved plants and the science around them.
During my PhD I realized that academia is not a fit for me, I am a mismatch to academia as well, I have way too high moral and ethical standards for the broken system academia is & did not want to play within these rules.
At the same time I still loved science & realized it needs Art! I started to illustrate all my Science and people started asking me for help, so I decided that I want to offer that as a service!
I love science & art & am great at it. The world of Science clearly needs it and that is a service I can be paid for! Boom! I found my Ikigai & started a business.
Again: disliking money, having zero business skills, a fear of bureaucracy, taxes, bills, paperwork… the odds were quite suboptimal :D
After I defended my PhD, I got my first jobcoach that helped me with a business plan, a budget, a survey, she also recommended me to an accountant! Game-changer!!!
So off I went, officially registering a company, at the same time starting a part-time job to make sure I have my basic costs covered & I also joined a startup incubator to get support on my way!
Take-home messages from this:
Have fear, but do it anyways! There is no point to be inhibited by fear, don’t let it paralyze you. feel it, acknowledge it, speak to it if you want. And then: go for your dream either way!
Get yourself help! We are not supposed to do life alone. We can’t, cos we have limited knowledge, skills time. If you get yourself help & invest in you as the asset of your life, you will get where you want to be faster!
Shifts in money mindset while running a business
I was doing quite okay even though I hated money. Until that one day, where I got upset at myself, because some payments did not arrive at the right time, things got tight.
I honestly was pissed at myself, cos I knew, if I would have sent the bills earlier, or priced differently or negotiated better, this all could have been avoided.
Time to face the truth: “Daria, your money-mindset just sucks… it brings you stress & trouble. You need to do something about it!”
So I got myself into a money-mindset coaching. It was super valuable for me, not everything in that coaching, but as it was my first encounter with dealing with this issue, I grew & changed afterwards either way.
I also started to price my services better and value my time more. Generally my confidence grew and that had effects on how I negotiated, sent my bills & my stress-levels declined.
For quite a while I thought I am doing well. Until on the way, this money-topic came up again in another energetic coaching I paid for.
First I was disappointed, cos I thought I had “fixed” that issue, but I quickly realized it was one layer deeper, more complex & sneaky; way more into my subconscious mind and my own energy field.
It was about my prejudice around money & people, how my mind tricked me and how activities like selling or sales were connected to that as well. But also my stored memories & feelings about money, again! Just way deeper.
My realizations from all that were that money is an energy & flows where its wanted, sales is basically helping, it is about value exchanges and money is a tool to use for that.
All that happened in six years of running a business. I increased my prices from 80EUR/hour to 160 EUR/hour for illustrations, had clients approaching me with budgets of 4000-5000 EUR for various projects and many of those paid in advance.
To me, all these are big steps, very specific in outcomes, but also very subconscious in how I got there. Because in the end, what I deeply feel inside, on a subconscious level, is affecting me in my life, my business & my money-acquisition because of the energetic blueprint I have.
Take-home messages from this:
Observe yourself. Be aware of your state of mind, your emotions and your stress level. Oftentimes it is your actions that cause certain reactions you encounter in life. This means: if you change your actions, what you encounter in life will change too.
What you spread energetically is what you will attract. This is more subconscious. But we can reach that level by getting a coaching, meditating, introspection and connecting to ourselves and then shifting these believes. Not just through re-thinking, but re-feeling.
Final words on my personal Money-story
I started to share with you how angry I was at myself just two weeks ago. But realizing where I came from, to where I am now, makes me actually very proud of myself.
Even if I am not as wealthy as I want to be right now, I came super far! And I know I will get there, I feel it inside of me & I know I will keep on taking aligned actions to reach my goals.
I decided to offer a Mentoring Program for fellow Scientific Illustrators because I know that many have troubles knowing how to start, what to do and I have gone through all of that!
So if you are interested in such a program, feel free to reach out to me with a message here or check out the program here.
One option to ask me any question is also to subscribe as a paid subscriber to this newsletter.
I will have an open Q&A this Friday at 17:00 CET, so if you want to get in touch on a more personal level, I would be happy to welcome you as a paid subscriber!
Love,
Daria