Belonging as a human being: what does this even mean? Maybe it means different things to each one of us?
Some might need to belong to a certain type of culture, or nationality.
Others want to belong to a religion, something more than themselves.
Then we have people who want to belong to someone else, in form of a relationship.
Either romantic relationships, a family or friendships. Or even certain work-groups.
I think it is something normal to want to belong to something. However, I am not sure what that something is.
We evolved from tribes, small groups of people who shared responsibilities, helped each other and supported each other.
“It needs a village to raise a child” doesn’t come from nowhere. Same as the fact that older people were seen as the wise guardians of the group, who were cherished and respected.
Now these days, many old people feel lonely and left out. Parents feel not supported & cut off from larger family structures and children don’t grow up having a large tribe unit to be supported by.
Then, we become more and more individualistic as well, which cuts us off from the group-belonging we need so much from an evolutionary perspective.
So we start to feel lost… and desperately look for belonging, either by jumping from relationship to relationship, making children because we are supposed to create families, even though the relationship we are in feels unhealthy, staying friends with people who we are not aligned with and so on & so forth.
Sometimes, we might over identify with a nationality, or a religion, to have the feeling of a structure and general rules, or a group of people we can connect to.
So I wonder, can we ever just feel belonging within ourselves? All alone? Or do we need to belong to something, someone, god? The universe? Is that it? Enough to feel we belong?
I personally have no idea. If it comes to my experience, I never felt connected to any of the nationalities I have, to a certain culture or religion. I would rather push religion away, thinking it is too restrictive, wanting too much deciding power over me.
Neither did I ever understand to have a Guru or person to outsource my own life-capacity and decisions to. I did have and still do have teachers, but only those that don’t impose their will or vision on me, but walk alongside me as a support.
I am fortunate to have amazing friends, truly the best ones! Friends that feel like family to me and I am also lucky to have an awesome family, my sister even living with me here in the North of Sweden.
I also have had my share of romantic relationships, lots I learned from and if I am honest, only one that truly felt aligned on all the levels it was supposed to align.
However, I also experienced losing myself for others, either partners, family, or friends. And maybe that was for the sake of belonging, maybe because that is what I experienced growing up, or maybe it was because I never learned to express my needs.
I have learned a lot about this; setting boundaries, communicating my needs and wishes, saying no, removing myself from situations and relationships that did not serve me well. Meaning: not belonging anymore to that person or relationship.
But rather, belonging to myself. Not from an egoistic perspective, but from a healthy one, where I respect and value myself and who I am, to not bend for something or someone I am not, for the sake of belonging.
…these thoughts just came out now, freely, without analyzing and overthinking them…cos I didn’t know if we can only belong to ourselves and that would be enough when starting to write this piece.
I believe we first need to find belonging within who we are, to then find healthy belonging to others and with others in relationships.
Somehow, this makes not just sense to me, but it feels right, it deeply resonates and I am glad I found the answer to a question I just asked myself now, when I began writing this piece.
To me, this is a perfect example of the power of writing out our thoughts, feelings & processes and try to see what comes out. A type of stream of consciousness writing that heals our souls.
I will keep on writing as long as I can and I hope this was of value for you.
How do you see the concept of belonging?
Love,
Daria