What does it mean to be “integrated”?

It's a feeling of belonging to me

Somehow this topic came to my mind recently, it might be because I am witnessing how my sister is starting a new life in a new country, and generally all the thoughts of what that means, come up inside of me.

I was born in Poland and with 1.5 years my parents decided to move to Germany, start their life from scratch, with my mom being pregnant with my sister. This means I have not consciously experienced the move from one country to another, neither all the challenges it brings.

My parents needed to learn the language, get an education, jobs, driving licenses, become part of a new society, while also raising two kids & establishing a new family life, without grannies and grandpas or aunties and uncles around.

I would say that my parents managed amazingly well to re-start their life, integrate into a new society, culture and establish themselves and their family. We also kept in touch with our family in Poland, still do until today, even though now a third country came into the mix: Sweden, where me & my sister currently live.

I have lived in Umeå since 11 years now & I feel at home here. This is the place I can imagine living in forever, for many different reasons, most of them are every intuitive, some are coupled to logical arguments like “feeling safe & secure”.

Somehow, I have never asked myself if I feel integrated into Swedish society, Swedish life and my selected home-town. In a way, it feels a bit alien to me to do that, to wonder about it. And I do not mean that it is something stupid or pointless, on the contrary. I do strongly believe that we all need to have a feeling of belonging, and that is what I have here. The word “integrated” just doesn’t fit for me somehow.

So what causes this “feeling of belonging” inside of me? It is there because I feel connected to the place, the nature and the surrounding, I feel grounded, calm and safe here. It is also there because of all the people I know, my friends who became my family, my acquaintances I meet on different occasions and the random friendly people I encounter regularly. It is also there because I have different hobbies & activities I can participate in when I want. I always had a job and still have one and even if I work from home, I don’t feel disconnected at all.

I simply feel that the energy of this spot on earth is in alignment with my own energy & that makes me feel that I belong here.

Do I speak perfectly Swedish? Nope I don’t. I totally get along, but it is not perfect.

Do I have mainly Swedish friends & people around me? Nope I dont, I have many international friends, also Swedish ones, for me it doesn’t matter where people are from, as long as we connect.

Do I participate in a certain organization? Nope, not really. I volunteer regularly, but I am not a fixed staff member in any of that.

Do I work in an office, with other people? Nope I dont, I work from home, by myself.

So what does it actually mean to be or feel “integrated”? I have interacted with people who learned Swedish perfectly, who worked in a classical job with other people, who participated in organizations etc, yet, they did not feel integrated at all. Something was missing for them & they were not satisfied somehow.

For me, to feel integrated or have a sense of belonging does not solely correlate or depend on typical external factors, like language, a job, certain types of friends from certain nationalities etc… It is more of an internal process, an opening towards something new, whatever it is, whatever it might be, however it will look like, and then be satisfied with it. And if not: change or look for something else. Also with regards to external factors, but aligned to your internal values!

My experience living in Sweden since 11 years is, that no matter how well I speak the language: I am welcome everywhere. No matter what & how I work with: I am seen as a valuable part of society. No matter how many Swedish or non-swedish friends I have, I am appreciated & loved for who I am.

I also choose to live my life in the way that it is aligned to who I am in the best possible way. I work with what I love, I surround myself with people who appreciate me & care about me, I do hobbies that make me feel well, I am kind to myself and others, see my own and their value and walk around like that in the world.

All this makes me truly believe that at the core, it is only me who can or cannot feel integrated, or have a sense of belonging. Cos if I dont feel I belong, why should someone else make me feel I belong? It is somehow in my responsibility to get to where I feel I belong, to embrace all of myself & accept myself, so others can accept me too. It somehow starts with me, only me. If I know that it is important for me to have a sense of belonging, it is also in my responsibility to create my life in that way and putt effort into it, no matter how it might end up looking in the end.

Now, does it mean that it is like that for everyone? Nope, surely not. & I can see why it could be difficult for different people, in different countries, under different circumstances and from different cultural backgrounds. And all are valid. I have also heard about the perspective that for some people it is easier to move away from their birth country & re-establish their lives again. So maybe the fact that my parents managed so well, also helps me and my sister being fine in the whole process.

To me, this feeling of belonging strongly connects to a feeling of having stable roots as well. I somehow feel that I was able to grow strong and stable roots here in Umeå and un-rooting myself is something that I cannot imagine anymore. I will always travel, experience new places & maybe could even consider to live somewhere else for some months, who knows what life will bring me. And while doing that, knowing that I have found my stable-root-place in Umeå helps me to always feel connected, grounded and safe, wherever I am.

How does this topic resonate with you?

Love,
Daria