To judge vs being judgmental
There is a crucial difference and how to maybe deal with it
I try my best to be non-judgmental, since quite a while already, because I seriously do not think that there is anything good about it. At all. Energetically speaking it destroys a lot, it is not pleasant & harmful for parties all involved.
At the same time, I have very strong opinions about things; happenings in the world, what I consider is evil and what is decent, behaviors, morals & ethics etc.
I used to think that that is judgmental too, but I don’t think so anymore.
Cos if I “judge” something as suitable for me or not, does not mean I am judgmental towards it.
Lets take a simple example: I tried a new dance, on several occasions & came to the conclusion its not for me. I “judged” it to be not suitable for me. So I stopped dancing it. Done. Nothing bad about that.
I will not however start dismissing that dance & saying it is crap, super shitty & not enjoyable & spread this around. This would be judgmental in my world, because I would start to diminish it & add negative energy to it.
BUT, because of course there is a but :D, otherwise I won’t feel the need to write about it & share it :D. It is not always easy to be non-judgmental.
And I would like to be able to admit it & pinpoint it, so I can work on it. Even if I dont particularly know how…
Soo, I noticed I can be judgmental in very specific situations.
As an example, I recently talked to a friend and she described to me a situation she was in, where a “friend” treated her very badly, super disrespectful & not the way one should treat a friend.
This upset me, because I saw my amazing friend in such a shitty situation. And I know the person who mistreated her myself, we do have a bit of a history of similar behaviors in the past.
So this upset me, AND I started to be judgmental towards that person. It was a feeling of dislike, almost disgust, disbelief and also disregard for her as a person.
It did not make me feel better, at all. I felt crappy because I saw my friend being mistreated, while getting mad at that other person & being judgmental of her.
That is a very classic way for me to be: when I see mistreatment and bad & disrespectful behavior, I have a super hard time to disconnect it from the person, especially when I know them. And even though all this is the case:
I am quite aware that it is not the person per se, its their behavior & actions I am judgmental of.
I am also quite aware that, if you treat people crappy & unkind, you are most likely crappy & unkind to yourself as well.
Which means that you most likely are not doing well in your life & are unhappy, one way or another.
I am also aware that we are all mirrors. What I attract shows where a lack is inside of me.
So if person A treats person B with disrespect, person B most likely is disrespectful towards themselves.
We attract what, and who we are.
And now, so what?! How does that help me to not be judgmental towards another person?
I don’t know, it does maybe a bit. But it still happens.
So I can try to apply these things to myself: I know I have been in such situations myself and I know I have not respected myself enough. I think I have a good grip on that by now, cos I dont encounter it anymore.
But now, if I am judgmental about someone else’s behavior and their personality sometimes: where and how does that mirror myself?
Where am I judgmental towards myself? Where do I mistreat myself?
I think that is the crucial question to answer & try to get ahold of.
And the thing is, that the answers to those questions can be very sneaky & tricky to find. They can be buried deep down in my subconscious, needing to be excavated almost.
They can also sneak behind fears I have, also in my subconscious, doubts and limiting beliefs & what-not.
In the end, I think it is important for me to try to be kind to myself and to others, also when they leash out & misbehave, because we all have our stuffs to carry.
And it is not always easy to be a human being & navigate this world. We all do the best we can.
AND: at the same time, I cant take these things as excuses, neither should anyone else, in my opinion. Because we are the only ones responsible for our current behavior. Towards ourselves and towards others.
So let’s say, I am still a bit judgmental about myself, daring to want to become a successful abstract painter. I can blame my upbringing and what I experienced all the time, but it won’t help me the least (btw, I don’t do that, never have).
What I can do is, to try to work with and on myself, try to reprogram what I have learned and seen and connect back to myself. To my true core and my soul and the path that I have been given by the universe, god, or the master of this whole matrix we are living in ;), playing a game of learning to enjoy the limitations of a human body and mind.
In the end of this newsletter today, I have no idea about if this was of value or not. This makes me also realize, that I see a lot in valuable or not-valuable, but I dont really have to.
I know it was important for me to write it down, to share it & maybe it will be of value for someone, maybe not. It doesn’t really matter so much, it wont make it less or more important for me.
And I have learned by now that sharing vulnerable things like that, is always good to do, no matter what :)
I wish you an amazing start into the week & if you have any strategies to deal with being judgmental, feel free to let me know :)
Love,
Daria
