I always loved to make people happy. Yet, I have to admit, that in my past, it has been also mixed with people-pleasing tendencies, quite a lot of them.
It was almost like I felt I needed to make everyone happy, please them, not cause harm and unpleasant feelings, cos after all, I was the tiny, cute, little, calm & polite & nice Daria.
That was who I am. & that meant to make sure that everyone was happy.
Well, I simply did not know better. It was a normal state of being for me. Luckily I can say that this is not the case anymore. Not to that extend at least.
Can you imagine, that I didn’t even dare to say “No” to others? That I felt obliged to comply & play along, even though I didnt feel like it?
Or that I even did not share my true thoughts, to not offend anyone? Well, maybe you do know, because maybe you did do the same. People pleasing seems to be a thing ;).
I am just happy I am not in that vicious cycle anymore. Cos deep down, I was always a bit of a rebel, someone who thought, felt & perceived things differently & I wanted to do things that I wanted to do.
And in some strange way, I always managed anyways.
Now, will this be a newsletter to tell you how to overcome people pleasing tendencies? How to do what you want to do, no matter what?
Nope, it won’t be such a newsletter. Because I don’t feel that I know what is best for you. No one knows but you. So I wont bother telling you what I did & that you should do it too. You do you, I trust that you will manage.
Apart from that, there is many self-help books, podcasts, programs, newsletters etc out there to dig deep into the psychology of people pleasing. I know. I dug into some of it.
But mainly, I got myself help from others and learned in my life. Basically. & that looks different for anyone.
ANYWAYS, what I did want to share is my recent endeavors to make people happy, on my terms, with my own skills and with doing what I love to do: paint & draw.
Because, truly making people happy coming from a filled cup, being full of love & care & joy is the way to go. Not out of obligation to do so, or because of feeling bad.
So, I am part of a group exhibition right now, here you see some of my paintings:
And that participation means, that I am supposed to sit there on several occasions and welcome the visitors. The exhibition is going on for a month.
I thought, its the perfect occasion to practice my people-drawings skills & its the perfect speed-painting occasion too.
Cos the way everything is set up means, that I get ca. 2 minutes to draw the visitors, while they start checking the first paintings before they enter the second room.
In those 2 minutes I get their outlines, bodyshapes, clothes & accessories sketched with my waterproof ink pen & then when they are in the second part of the room, I have time to color them in with watercolor pencils and then a watercolor brush. Which adds up to another ca. 2 minutes.
So all in all, I manage to make such a sketch in 3-5 minutes, depending on complexity, amount of people and details of clothings.
Here an example:
The more colorful & original clothing they had, the better:
I maybe painted 20-30 of those and I kid you not: people were thrilled!!! I swear!
The thing is, that they never knew. They did not see me drawing them, they were totally in their own worlds, looking at the art.
And I only gave them their gift when I knew they were done, cos I did not want to disturb them in their art-admiring process.
Some were speechless. All made big eyes, some couldnt believe it, some didnt recognize themselves first. All smiled, many laughed, gasped, were in awe.
Because non of them expected it. They couldn’t leave their gaze away from those quick paintings of themselves.
I got many hugs, many kind words. But their smiles, their joy & gratefulness, al lover theyr faces and eyes was the best. Seriously, THE BEST.
You know, some might think looking at those sketches, that they are super simple, even messy, not detailed, no faces, nothing artistically high-quality.
And they would be right. Cos those are 3-5minute, quick sketches, of the back of people looking at art. Impossibe to recognize who they are.
How come, they causes such joy then? How come people were speechless receiving them? Cos come I got flooded with happyness, gratefulness & even hugs?
Because those scribbles mean much more.
They are a surprise. They are the proof, that someone saw the people in the sketch.
I saw them, I paid attention to them. They were someone for me in that moment & they were important enough to be captured.
They were seen.
In a world where most people feel lonely, many feel that everyone is anonymous, that no one cares, that they are invisible and irrelevant, suddenly they got surprised with a painting of them. Just standing there, looking at art.
That is quite big. To be seen and recognized is something we all want. Deeply.
So if I managed to give those souls this moment, I am more than happy. Because with their reactions, they made me endlessly happy too!
I will never forget that & I will make sure to continue with these sketches when the occasion allows it.
That is it for today. Maybe it inspired you to do something similar, or not. Either way, I hope you know that you matter and that people in your life see you! I promise it is that way & I hope you never forget that!
Love,
Daria