Lessons I learned from my time working on a dementia station

...to be remembered until I get old...

Today I feel like diving far back into my past, back to the time when I was a bachelor student, worked in a lab on my thesis and at the same time in a dementia station close by. It was a crazy but rewarding time & I got reminded about it because of recent conversations around stress.

Back then, I wanted to do it all! Study, nail my bachelor thesis & lab work, enjoy time with friends & go out and work on the side in shifts at the dementia station on the weekends, all while I was commuting 2-2,5 hours a day.

Writing this down now sounds insane and I knew back then as well that it was way too much for me, but I decided to ignore it and push through. I ignored the physical signs my body was sending me and only because of my persistant mom who was worried about me, did I decide to quit the job after six months.

I always had a helpers-syndrome and a soft spot for people in need, any type of need and when the old-peoples home opened close by, I thought to ask to work there. I did not grew up with my grandparents close by & I always liked, still do, older human beings. So, I felt that this could be a great opportunity for me to learn a lot.

And that I did, I learned the following life lessons:

·      to not push beyond my physical & mental boundaries.

If my hair starts falling out, if I am constantly tired, low on energy, push through things and do everything just to not miss out, I am missing out on the most important asset I have in my life, harming it on the way: myself. Helping others and compromising on myself will in the long run not help anyone, the least myself. If I am not on top of my health, energy & mental state, I cant be of service for anyone else in the world.

·      to prioritize what is truly important for my vision of life at any given timepoints

We might have plenty of thoughts, ideas, interests and hobbies and there is nothing wrong to try out all of them. Maybe it is a good idea though to not lose track of the bigger vision that we have at that moment in time. Back then I wanted to be a scientist, a biologist & solve scientific riddles in the realm of plant science. I wanted to explore my curiosity in that way. Even if I admit that I had a very naïve view of what it means to be a scientist, I started to compromise on it, as I was getting more and more exhausted with all my obligations I put on myseelf. I then did decide that I rather put my overall Scientist-vision first & another focus on my friends, family & general life, instead of hustling crazy shifts for a couple of bucks every month.

·      to not count on the government to provide proper caring facilities for people

Working in these type of social service environments is tough. They are underpaid, the conditions are tough, too few people… all that has effects on the quality of care people can provide for the elders. Things get rushed, there is no time for personal & connective moments, to make life more pleasant, frustration is high and overall work quality is suffering.

I remember that in the beginning when I started working there, I could take my time to sit with the blind grandpa & do crosswords with him, I was able to sit with the lady that was absent 99% of the time & just be present, I could jokingly speak with the other lady who had random episodes of intense grumpiness & anyways talk to her & interact with her. I was also able to soothe the other grandpa when he was in a very physically vulnerable state & suddenly had a clear moment midst of it… these possibilities diminished with understaffed conditions, tight timelines, sick-leaves, stressed colleagues and so on.

Internally, this hurt me very bad and I told myself that I will avoid to be in such a place when I am an elder. I would love to live with other elders, in a community place, maybe with different generations, but a place where financial restrains, limited time & tons of stress are not diminishing the last years of my precious life.

·      to take care of my body, not get obese and keep my mind active

I have seen all types of elders on that dementia station. As I also was involved in the nursing care, I got exposed to the most vulnerable physicalities of our human bodies when they get old. It is way more difficult to take care of a body & its functions when access weight exists, it also poses health dangers like sores, infections and many more. I swore myself to not gain excess weight when I am older.

I also saw how terrible people feel when they have clear moments among their general memory loss. It is not easy to live with and not pleasant to witness it. So I swore myself to do everything possible to avoid getting sicknesses like dementia and Alzheimers. Yes, genetics play a role, but by now it is known that lifestyle choices determine the fate of these diseases significantly. I can do something about it on a nutrition level, mental activity level and mindset level, so I do :-)

·      to stay in touch with loved ones as good as I can & connect to new people as well

Many of our older human fellow beings are lonely, alone and away from family and friends. It is painful, for them, for people like me working there witnessing it, and surely also for members of the family, cos sometimes families do not have the capacities to take care of an elder. I swore that I will do all I can to stay in touch with my family, to have good relationships with them, be a person of value for others and stay as healthy as possible, so I can be an elder that can be involved in the life of my loved ones. Also, when the time comes when I need more help, to be open for that help and support it as good as I can. & that connects to be aware and work on my mindset as well.

In addition, I decided to make it a habit to get to know many different people regularly, from different paths of life, all types of ages, all countries in the world, via all kinds of media that we have available these days. Distances and superficial differences don’t matter, deeply connecting to people is what contributes immensely to our life quality. I don’t buy in the story that it’s so much more difficult to make friends when getting older, it needs effort, a positive attitude & openness & then it will work.

·      to keep active & engaged in hobbies

I truly believe that having interests outside of work & family life is crucial for our wellbeing. Hobbies enhance our life as they involve our mind, heart, soul, they connect us to other people, our surrounding, make us explore new ventures, improve our skills or learn new ones, be it motoric skills, mental or emotional skills: hobbies are a MUST!

Seeing some elders having interests like solving crosswords or reading, or gardening made this even more clear to me. Those that didn’t have them, were not interested to learn any new activities, they were just there, sitting, staring and seemed to only be waiting to pass to the next stage of their soul journey.

I am also aware that it sometimes is not possible depending on the progression of the disease one might have, and maybe it doesn’t matter anymore? I dont know… I only know that most elders loved to truly interact with another human being and be involved in some kind of activity. And depending on others to do that all the time is maybe not the best case scenario, we might as well develop the interest to have other hobbies ourselves, so it sticks within us until we pass away.

This should be it for my little time travel into my past. I am really grateful I have experienced this part of my life, in exactly that way, otherwise I wouldn’t have learned the lessons I did, so I am grateful that I had this opportunity.

Oh, and maybe one last funny/lucky story in the end: one day I decided to go down to the basement to pick up something from our storage room. I walked down the stairs & when I passed the entrance door to our apartment building, I saw a person squeezing their nose, face & hands towards the glass door, staring at me! I immediately recognized him as one of our elders from the station, so I went out and took him in, walked back to the old-peoples home & his station. None of the security people or the workers noticed that he sneaked out, and he had severe dementia. Too this day I am happy thee universe send him the way it did to where I lived & that I wanted to go down to the basement at that exact timepoint! Imagine the potential tragedies otherwise.

Okay, now that is it for real :-), I wish you an awesome day!

Love,

Daria