It took me 5,5 years to not be nervous meeting my accountant

on un-logical fears we have

Does that sound a lot? Or weird?

Photo by boram kim on Unsplash

It feels like a big accomplishment to me. If I break it down: I have my company since 5 years and 8 months, we meet ca 5x per year, that makes it around 27 meetings so far.

That sounds much less. And much less weird as well. Yet, its still a big win for me!

So, I celebrated it! By buying local meat & blueberry juice. Because this is what I decided: to celebrate all my wins, no matter their tiny-ness, weird-ness, or immense-ness. I do that way too few, and it makes me value me & my accomplishments more.

The funny thing about all this is though: it logically makes no sense. There was never a need for me to be nervous.

First of all, my accountant is brilliant! She is the best I could have gotten as a first time business owner, not knowing much about taxes, money, bureaucracy and bookkeeping in a country I did not grow up in.

I still do my bookkeeping to know the basics & she looks over it. Whenever I have a question, I can email her & get an immediate reply.

Second of all, whenever I make a mistake, she finds it, even if the numbers are off by a tiny 5 SEK, which is ca 50 cents. To me, she is a wizard.

Because I knew about my fear around these topics, I had her by my side since day 1. My first jobcoach recommended her to me & I truly feel blessed!

So now you might wonder: so why have you felt nervous for more than 5.5 years then?

Well, I don’t know. As I said, it’s not logical. The thing is: it doesn’t have to be. I say that with full conviction from my heart and soul, while being a Scientist.

Because not everything makes sense with our mind and brain, our logic and rational explanations. In fact, most things in life work on the complete other spectrum.

We all have irrational fears, worries, nervous ticks and feelings that “dont make sense” with our mind, yet they are there. The feelings are present, an unease within our body is perceivable.

And we can say as much as we want: “It doesn’t make sense!”… “IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE!!”… “IITT DOESSNNN’TTT MAAKKEE SEEENNSSEEE!!!”

It will stay either way. So we might as well just deal with it :-)

There are two options to deal with it:

1.     just accept it, live with it & ignore it

2.     feel into it, acknowledge it, see it and try to resolve it