If we do life properly, we die many deaths
Why dying many times in life, is good for you
You don’t only die once & are gone into the universe. You die several times in life.
There are biological deaths, societal deaths or personality deaths.
Here some examples of deaths many of us go through:
The moment you are born, your existence as a “human-in-another-human” ceases. It dies.
The moment you go to kindergarden, you are not only a family member anymore, you are officially a part of society.
The moment you go through puberty, your whole biology changes and you are not a girl or boy anymore, you become a man or a woman!
The moment you turn 18, or 21, you are not considered a child anymore, but a grown-up, liable for his or her actions.
The moment you have sex with someone, you are not a virgin anymore, you entered a deep and intimate union with someone else.
The moment you become a mom, your maidenhood is dead and you are in the middle of motherhood.
I could go on and on… I guess you get the gist, there are soo many more deaths you will encounter… well, just because I think it’s fun, some more deaths:
First you are a single-child, then a big brother or sister.
You are an employee, then you suddenly enter entrepreneurship & are a freelancer.
You do your first mushroom journey or an ayahuasca retreat & you are a new person.
Your first breakup destroys you, innocent you is dead, you start living with a closed heart.
Okay okay, I stop now :-).
What I want to share with all of you here is, that these types of death just mean “change”.
Nothing more than that.
“Something” is turned into “something else”.
More specifically: “you” are becoming a “new-you”.
And these changes are a good thing, because that means you are developing along living your life. You are not stagnating.
This is what I mean when I said that, doing life means experiencing several deaths.
How can this view be helpful to you? Why would you even consider seeing life like that?
Because many people fear death, and many also fear change. So they dont live their life fully.
And haven’t we all heard that famous quote “The only constant in life is change”?
I guess what I say here can be turned into: “The only constant in life is death”
So what to do when we face a fear or change, or death?
The first thing to conquer a fear, or change, or death is:
To accept it.
Then:
To feel through it.
Then:
To start embracing it.
And theeeenn:
To keep on living your new life until the next fear or change or death arises.
Then: rinse & repeat!
Et voila, welcome to your life!
I will share personal examples of two of my deaths.
Puberty: the death of being a girl
I still remember the day I got my period. The day I biologically became a woman.
I think I was 13 or 14.
I was at home, it was a weekend afternoon.
My parents took a nap, no idea where my sister was.
Outside it was dark, cos a storm was for about to start.
I felt a weird feeling in my lower belly, a strange pain, a pulling somehow.
I disrgarded it at first.
Then I felt something else. Something was flowing out of me.
I went into the bathroom & checked it out.
Blood.
There it was.
I knew what it meant.
I did not panic or anything.
I knew my mom had certain supplies.
So I started looking through the bathroom cupboards.
Until I found what I needed.
“No way I will put one of those inside of me!” I thought, looking at a tampon.
So I went for the simple pad. Well, before that, I got myself new panties.
I fixed everything by myself. I did not want to wake up my parents.
Later that day, I told my mom of course.
We took care of the blood panties & she told me some other things to do & pay attention to.
That was it.
I was a woman.
I do not really think I realized this fact.
I simply accepted this new change, felt what I felt & started to embrace it, cos there was no way back anymore. My new life has begun!
Now, with 37, I wish as a society, we would handle this death better.
With proper honoring! A celebration, some type of big thing to really truly embrace this new life!
For both, girls and boys, turning into woman and men.
Because it is soooo special!
I know and have experienced that our period is seen as something shameful & weird & even disgusting, especially when we are younger. Later it becomes annoying, something many woman don’t want to have.
Until they try to become mothers and face issues, they finally start appreciating this miraculous biological change and death we go through as girls and woman.
It’s just beautiful! And when I will have a daughter one day, I will make it a special day! No! A whole special week celebration!
That was my first, biology-induced death & new life I wanted to share with you. Do you remember your transition into puberty?
The second death I want to share is more educational-career oriented:
From Academia to Entrepreneurship: the death of what I thought I mainly am
I loved science and art, my whole life.
I decided to study biology & did a PhD. I lived the Scientist-life.
Until I realized: “No, I dont want to live that type of Scientist-life anymore! I am a Scientist either way, all of us are, but surely not a fit for academia!”
And off I went! Leaving University, leaving academia.
The official-ness of what that meant was gone.
Dead.
I never identified myself with degrees, publications, working in the lab. So it was not difficult to let all that die.
Yet, that leaving & death also meant: change, a new me, cos I decided to start my own company.
Boom! Entrepreneurship here I come!
I tell you: I was an infant, a baby! I had no idea about business, money, taxes, bills, or how to run a company. I started from scratch, a completely new life.
And I realized: yes, I am a scientist, but not only & not mainly! I am also an artist, a service provider, a guide, mentor & teacher, a scientific illustrator, a freelancer & more!
That educational/career death caused several new lives if you want so & I loved it!
I needed to accept it, feel through all the feelings it caused & I wanted to embrace it fully! To start living my new life as much as possible! And I did manage to do that!
So, if I had to sum all of this up for you, I would say:
I hope reading this perspective on life, death, change and fear is liberating for you!
I hope you feel lighter and even excited for all the things in your life that you manage to see through that lense!
I hope you get excited about what comes next & that you honor the process: accept the deaths in your life and the change they brings, feel all the feelings, no matter what they are and slowly start embracing your nw reality, until you can again liv your life to the fullest!
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Love,
Daria
