Facing irrational fears 1.0
Strategies to tackle your very human, irrational fears to live a fulfilled life!
When people look at what I have accomplished in my life, they often are very impressed.
“You are such a genius, you’ll get a Nobel price!” - my auntie on my PhD
“Wow, you are so talented!” - people who see my paintings
“It’s so cool you started your own business!” - people who get to know this
“I am so impressed you build your life abroad!” - people who stay in their home country
But you know what?
I am seriously not a genius & have never aimed for any freaking Nobel Price, what for?
Talent doesn’t mean much, if you don’t do anything about it.
Starting my own business was the only way to do what I wanted to do.
It’s easier than you might think to establish your life abroad! I love it!
The thing is, people don’t see the fears or pain points or challenges or struggles.
And all this doesn’t mean I don’t have any fears, I don’t worry, I am super egotistical cos I managed all these & that I believe that nothing can bring me down!
I am very humble about my life so far & constantly try to do what I feel, EVEN THOUGH I have fears.
I have many irrational fears as well, no matter the fact that I PhD-ed in Science.
It almost doesn’t matter, because I am still a human being!
So, today I share my most recent, most irrational fears with you, all around art and being an artist.
Fear not, you can easily apply them to your own situation, without being an artist.
Et voilá: my three most recent irrational fears:
Fear to call myself an artist
Fear to waste paint & therefore not paint with acrylics
Fear of starting a fixed journal & be faced with ugly-ness
All three of those fears don’t make any sense, whatsoever. But they don’t have to, cos I am an irrational, emotional human being. Just like you.
So first take-home message for you: embrace your irrational fears! Congratilations, you aree living a human life!
About fear No. 1: Fear to call myself an artist
You can apply that to any fear of yours: fear to be a mom, a dad, a great friend, an awesome partner, a successful business owner, a marathon runner, anything really. You name it!
I feared to call myself an artist because I didn’t think I am good enough, growing up with a super talented artist dad.
And also because I experienced what it means to be an artist through him and I really, REALLY did not want to be like my artist dad.
Classic, right ;)?
So walked around in the world, refusing this label “artist”, but only with regards to myself, everyone else could happily be an artist!
It took me a long time & baby-steps to finally embrace feeling and seeing myself as an artist. And I can tell you now already: no matter what everyone else said or how much they reassured me I am a great artist: it didn’t help.
So I won’t tell you: “But you are a great X, Y, Z"!” It’s pointless.
What I will tell you though is: approach this fear of yours slowly, like a shy baby deer.
You don’t want to stamp towards it, yelling: “I will face you now!!! Don't even dare to run away!”
It will run away! The baby deer and your fear!
Your fear will run away deeper into your subconscious mind, being freaking scared to death & festering in its hidden spot, making you unhappy & sick in the long run.
Instead, acknowledge it, speak to it, feel it, let it be.
Ask it what it needs, ask yourself what you could do to make it less scary.
In my case, I slowly started to make artistic projects, small paintings or illustrations, first all around science, getting comfortable & confident & acknowledging that all that was very artistic.
I worked myself up to abstract paintings, random pieces, small er ones first, until I dared to paint bigger, and even have my first exhibition.
Now I don’t mind calling myself an artist anymore. I won’t throw it around me, just like I wont throw around that I have a PhD, cos I don’t need to.
Because the most important shift happened inside of me! That is what counts!
Let me know what fear you are ready to approach like a baby deer ;)!
About fear No. 2: Fear to waste paint & therefore not paint with acrylics
“A picture is worth a 1000 words”, so here you go, the outcome of facing my second irrational fear:
I always feared to waste paint.
Either because I squeezed out too much & didn’t use it up or because what I created was ugly, so I wasted it creating that ugly piece.
This is maybe very specific to the art world, but I will try to explain it simply:
certain paints dry up fast & can’t be re-used again, acrylic paints for example.
My solution was therefore: not paint with acrylics to avoid waste! Instead, I used watercolor which dry & can be activated with water again, or oil paints cos thy dry forever.
You can still apply it to your life: maybe you have shoes you don’t want to wear cos they are so special & you don’t want them to break. Or you have this special service at home & only use it for holidays. Or that dress you only wear on reealllyyy special occasions, after all, it shouldn’t get any stains!
Pick any “holy” piece you have & don’t want to waste it. The principle is the same.
How I got over this irrational fear of mine is: by accident!
I signed up to an art program by Nicholas Wilton and Art2Life and he explained what type of palette he uses. It’s ingenious!!! Here are the ingredients:
cafeteria tray
several layers of kitchen paper
baking paper or tracing paper
water
paints
Instructions:
fold several layers of kitchen paper & place them on the tray
soak them with water until they are fully covered
drain off access water
place thee baking paper sheet on it
add your paints
And: paint for hours, even days!!!!
Because thee paints wont dry immediately!!!
I swear, I was SO happy when I tried it out! Such a game changer! Mindblowing!
I was able to start a painting, and another one, hours later continue & on the next day as well!
My fear of wasting paint is gone, cos I don’t waste it & I love to paint with acrylics now!
For you that means:
maybe check out a great dry-cleaner who can take care of your dress when it gets a stain.
Or buy two or three pairs of the same shoes.
Or decide that every day is worthy & valuable to use your special service instead of having it accumulate dust in a storage room somewhere!
About fear No. 3: Fear of starting a fixed journal & face ugly-ness
This was a fear I carried around for years! Its ridiculous, because I also collected and bought many journals over those years.
Here you see my first proper journal in which I painted something:
When I finally started to paint just for myself, ca 2,5 years ago, that was already a huge accomplishment.
I painted mainly abstract art, mixed-media & watercolors, always on pieces of watercolor paper.
I painted so much, that I had hundreds of mini-or middle-sized paintings, all on separate sheets of paper.
The thought of having them all in on fixed journal freaked me out, cos I couldn’t have them a single artworks, and what if they turned out ugly?
The journal would be ruined & if I ripped it out, it would also be ruined. So I simply avoided journals.
Until I joined a silent studio program & a challenge was, to use a journal. And THAT is something I love: challenges. It brings some kind of excitement and play, so I tend to just dare to do something I usually avoid.
I got myself a spiral journal because if what I do turns out ugly, I could rip it out & it wouldn't be visible! Sneaky sneaky ;)
It worked! Cos now, when I joined the Art2Life program, we got introduced to a specific way of journaling and I loved it!!
It immediately clicked & I just painted several pages in both of my journals!
No shame, no fear, no hesitation!
My view shifted towards more play & fun & creating something that will last forever, documenting my pathway as an artist & human being!
What does that mean for you?
pick a fear of yours & try to think about a challenge you can do about it
make it as playful & fun as possible, add a ridiculous twist even
& then set a time frame or another unit & start playing with it!
And as usual: let me know how it goes for you!
For today, that is it :)!
I hope I managed to share some strategies to overcome some of your very normal, very human, even if irrational fears!
Its important to do that, bit by bit, so we don’t die with thousands of regrets, but instead with millions of memories & growth spurts which helped us to live our lifes to the fullest!!
Love,
Daria