Do I want to get an ateljer?
I think so. No. I feel so. & I know so.
Just a heads up & a little warning: today you will get some unstructured, unhinged, very real & current thoughts running through my brain. There is no structure, no plan, just the processing of todays occurrences.
It usually helps me to digest what happens in my life & maybe it will help me with a decision as well.
So here we go:
Today I visited a “konstförening” here in Umeå. I am not sure about the english translation, it’s like an “art association or union”.
I saw that they posted to have free ateljer spots in their studio & that it is possible to visit them. I immediately emailed them to check out the space.
Because so far, I paint at home. And I do like it. But even though I have a big guest room that I tried to make into a studio: I don’t like to paint in it. I always choose my kitchen table instead, here you see it, after I recently cleaned it:
Plus I feel that I need to be very careful to not splash paint around, cos I am renting, so its kind of inhibiting me.
And in that atelier spot that I visited today, I would have space to put my easel, use a table & go crazy. It is not a big spot, but I don’t need a huge room for myself… yet :D.
So I am currently wondering, should I do it? Do I really want it? My brain is going ballistic with all its thoughts, the pros & the cons, the time, the space, the commitment, the logistics…
It is making me a bit crazy, cos it is distracting me from my decision. It also is distracting me from thoughts like: “I could just try it out”, cos the monetary investment is not a big deal. & the freedom I would gain might be super worthy.
Plus I would get in contact with other artists, in real life, not just online & digital. I also will join exhibitions…
And in the end: I do want to make more analogue art & sell it & start making a living from it. So somehow, I need to start somewhere.
So you see, it is like my mind & logic and thoughts are trying to distract me from what I truly want to try & give a shot.
Maybe they try to warn me, protect me, keep me the same, cos it might be dangerous to try, what if I fail? & what if I succeed & will have fun?
There is no logic that needs to be applied here, whatsoever, yet, my brain tries to throw logic around…
If I would go with my intuition, I would just try it & see, because I didn’t even hesitate to email them & ask to meet me & check the spot. It was an automatic action, where I thought: “Oh cool, I wanted a little studio spot, so I should check this out”.
Whatever I think now, is secondary. What I feel is more important.
& I do feel a bit discomfort, insecurity, a feeling of being unsure… yet I know & feel, that I need to start somewhere… I would even have a painting to paint there already, a commission for my auntie, that is waiting to be re-started.
And I am of the strongest conviction, that we need to take even the smallest steps towards the direction we want to develop, so the Universe knows we really want it & takes us serious & throws more miracles at us :D
For that, I need to take myself serious, & my dreams as well. Cos you know, in the long run, I would love to have a huuugggee space to paint!
A space that serves as my studio & as a gallery, a space that has a corner with sofas & a table to have tea & coffee, and another corner that is open for the public to come & join & paint ,draw, craft & be creative.
Ideally I would also organize events for children to be creative, but also for grown ups to connect back to their inner child & creative power.
You know… & that needs steps towards that idea & plan & mission, I need to take those small steps, even if it is just a tiny studio space in town, it is not JUST, it is actually a big step to move towards…
It did help me to write about it, to process all that & I do think that I will give it a shot! I will write that lady & say that I would like to take the studio space & then see where it will lead me!
Omg, it is kind of exciting… let’s see what tomorrows-Daria will think & how she will process all that in her dream world!
Oh, and just for the fun of it & to keep it real & not perfect & idealized, here is my kitchen table before I cleaned it & reorganized everything:
That is it for today, thank you so much for reading & listening & being there for me to let out & process all my thoughts. It means a lot to me!
Love,
Daria