Right now, 77 hours and 48 minutes passed since my beloved dog Buffy died and passed into heaven.
Now its, 77hrs and 49 minutes. The time she left this earthly plane will just increase. The time I will miss her will increase too. They say, the pain will decrease.
I am sure our connection wont decrease though, I still feel her with me and around me, but in a different way, on a different plane.
I still cry, I feel sad, I feel weird, I feel relieved, I feel glad, I feel thankful & nostalgic. All of these feelings I feel.
And my physical body feels strange. I don’t feel hunger, yet I eat. I feel a surreal feeling of emptiness & fullness; I strangely feel my skin glowing, pulsing in a weird way.
People asked me what happened, I told them the precise last 48hrs of Buffys life and passing, since it all went very fast, unexpected, until three hours before...
I cried, they cried, there was surprise, awe and sadness, & also wonder & peace. It helps me to speak about it, because the more often I share it, the more I am thankful and grateful for it all. Because I know that she has orchestrated it all exactly the way she wanted to.
She always was a little stubborn doggie, knowing exactly what she wanted, how and when. Also able to very clearly communicate it. To everyone. She had a beautiful personality & everyone that met her, loved her. She managed to cause the most random strangers to smile, just by walking around with her wiggely ears & tail, carrying three tennis balls, 8 pinecones or a stick that was three times her size.
She knew how to take up space in the world without any shame and how to spread unconditional love. Or conditional: if you gave her snacks or your food, you had her fullest attention :D, until there was nothing left anymore :D.
In any ways, today I decided I wanted to share her passing from earth to heaven story, because as tragic as it was, it was most beautiful as well. And I am still not sure how one thing can be both: a tragedy & a beauty at the same time…
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Today is 7 days and 2 hours that Buffy left earth and became an angel. When I wrote the last paragraph, I stopped and went on doing something else. I dont know why.
Now, several days later, I feel like writing, but not typing. I am writing to Buffy in an A4 notebook every day. With a fountain pen and green ink that I bought specifically for that.
I enjoy the manual writing process with my hand on paper. I also enjoy speaking about all that happened. So I decided instead of typing on a laptop about Buffys last 48 hours, I will share a voicenote with you, describing what happened and how I feel now.
I won’t paste the transcript here. You are free to listen to it or not. Here is a picture of Buffy the Saturday before she went, I was carrying her from the garage to our home, cos she was weak and my sister took this shot. I loved carrying her…
I wish you all a beautiful weak ahead! If you have an animal: love it a little bit more each day. Do the same for each person & soul that means something to you. And never forget loving them all as much as you can.
Love,
Daria