Being my truest self, wherever I go
basically: listening to my body
I think I recently changed my mind about what it means to “be me”.
From thinking that I am different versions of Daria in different situations & with different people, I switched to: “I am always my truest self, as much as I can be in that moment of time”.
This means: I am not work-business Daria, friend-Daria, partner-Daria, sister-Daria, daughter-Daria or whatever-else-Daria. There are no different versions of me, only one Daria.
The differences are, that business-Daria might speak more about work, friend-Daria might speak more about personal stuff etc etc.
But at my core, I am the same. I do not bend to any role or supposed version of myself.
I keep my ethical and moral standard the same height in every situation, with every person.
This means:
- I respect the other person
- I am kind
- I am a good listener
- I am caring & compassionate
- I set my boundaries
- I am as honest & open as I can
- I am true to myself
- I honor my feelings & perceptions
- I keep on being connected to my intuition & my bodily senses
- I do not forget myself over someone else
Basically: I try to not wear any other cover-up mask apart from my true-Daria self.
If I am honest, I always felt like that, I never felt I have to change who I am at my core. Yet, I sometimes did it and the cost was pain and suffering.
Because the second I did, my body & perceptions gave me clues and hints that I was bending myself into something I did not want to be. Or forgetting what I actually truly want. And I ignored those cues.
Why did I do it then?
Because I thought I have to, cos it’s supposed to be that way.
Because I did not want to hurt the other person.
Because I wanted to avoid conflict.
Because I felt that it is “normal”… & some more mind-reasons.
Basically, I did it because something in my societal conditioning, interactions with people & surroundings made me believe that its normal to give up my own inner knowing.
Now I know, that what I deeply perceive inside of me, is usually true for me. What my body makes me feel like, is what I need to listen to. What my bodies tension tells me, is a “No”, what my bodies ease and relaxation tells me, is a “Yes”.
What this leads to is, difficult situations sometimes. Telling someone I need space, saying “No” to an offer, being honest when I hear something is not true... These are moments that not everyone likes, they can feel uncomfortable, also for me.
However, they are just momentary. The alternative is, to disregard my perceptions and make myself feel miserable for a longer time. And letting that feeling be unattended will lead to more pain, until I stop ignoring it.
Very concretely this led to relationship breakups, it led to friendships parting, it led to a change of my social circle, it brought changing business ideas, it made me switch behaviors and habits; it also brought new people into my life, new opportunities and a general ease in myself and my life.
Reflecting upon it also made me learn from those lessons, and I hope I will not have to repeat them again, but rather integrate the outcomes and be more grounded in my true self.
How do you feel about all that? Do you think you are your true self all the time? Or do you play roles that do not actually fit so well to your inner core being?
Love,
Daria