10. Have I actually chosen all my hats myself?

A spiritual exploration about my life

This post is going to be very explorative, might sound controversial, maybe even crazy, but I still decided to share this part of me with you. You have been warned ;-)

First of all, I would like to clarify that I won’t go into details of books, authors, specific religions or when I read what, found out how, and talked to who etc.

I have written scientific articles and pieces in my life before and I am currently exploring a more intuitive and explorative writing style, without restricting myself by the burden of proof, citations or references.

Instead, I would like to share parts of my life and experiences with you, and if you feel like wanting to know more about parts of it from me, ask away. If you want to learn more about it from others, I encourage you to find the literature and references that fits your specific interest the best yourself :-).

Of course, you can also ask me, I might know some good pieces, but I am also very bad in remembering authors and titles, so it will be a lucky shot for you to try ;-). and lastly: maybe no external material is needed: how do you feel yourself about all this?

Here we go:

While having written several of my hat-posts now, something comes up that I am wondering about...

Cos I have some hats I describe as not being chosen by me, rather my parents or society: l like my Daughter-hat or Sister-hat; hats that are determined by biology: like my Girl-hat, or other hats I clearly picked myself, like my Scientist-hat.

However, is this really true? Haven’t I actually picked all of my hats? In agreement with the closest people in my life?

Let me elaborate on that, I can promise you it will become a bit unconventional, so if you feel like its too weird, feel free to jump off this exploration train now ;-)

I grew up catholic, so what we were told is, that when we die we go to heaven or to hell, depending on how ‘good’ or ‘bad’ we were in our life. I personally always liked the idea that I will go to another place when I die. I imagined, I will float around like angels do and look at all the people living their lives on earth, just like my ancestors agree floating around in heaven and looking at me all the time. It was a given for me.

It's also not really that church or a priest told me that scenario. In my child-like mind and with my very strong imaginatation, I loved the idea of different creatures like angels, trolls, elves, aliens and whatever else is out there, floating around us. I took it as set that they existed and that I will become one of them when I die. I also never even thought of the option to end up in hell. Why would I? I am a good person so hell is not the place I will go to. Is there even something like hell?

The older I got, the more I was exposed to other belief systems and cultures and the more I moved away from catholic church. Becoming a scientist made me not think about religion and faith too much, at least not consciously. At home my mom would often speak about the “Universe” and its powers, the fact that it will always balance out the good and the bad. For me this was something I believed in as well, it included all the creatures I knew existed around us, they are part of the universe as well, just like us. We live together in parallel worlds.

I used to say that there is something more to our existence than only what we can assess with science and scientific methods, I still strongly believe that. For me it doesn’t matter so much if it’s called “God”, or “Allah” or “Buddha” or “Krishna” or whoever else. Maybe it’s all the same? Or maybe they all live together in respectful peace & freedom up there in heaven? Who knows.

I met several scientists that were strongly against religion & believes and just thought if we can’t prove it, it’s not there. They often felt proud of how logical and rational they were, after all, it’s all about objectivity, data and numbers in science. I wondered, and sometimes I mentioned that too: usually, even the strongest non-believers, when facing a tragedy in their lives, they start to ask for help to someone out there, who is not a doctor or scientist. Speaking to “something”, asking for support & healing of the beloved is a type of prayer. To a type of god. Or the universe.

Is it logical? No.

Does it sooth our painful, hurting heart? Yes.

To me that means, there is something more than our logical and rational minds and something that our hearts & souls connect to, crave for.

When I learned more about other religions, I came across the concepts of past and future lives. Something I have not heard of before, but clearly something that immediately resonated with me. Even more so, I loved the idea of having had past lives as other personalities, in other settings, with other people and also the option to enter a new life after this one!

How exciting is this to think about? That my current adventure of life will end one day & another one will start! I can’t imagine something more awesome than that. I feel that these believes also help me to not fear my own death, but that’s for another time to explore ;-)

So now that I admitted that I believe in past and future lives, what does this mean?

I assume that I am not the only one that has past and future lives, and that I was able to be many different personas, which means that its my soul that is the one that gets transferred into those lives and bodies.

This again means, that other people’s souls do the same & we basically travel around in different timelines, sometimes together, sometimes not. I also believe that souls can build friendships, there might be some souls that like each other more than others, they get along super well and they decide to travel together into several different lifes.

And because that is fun to do, why to not mix it up sometimes? “Let us be friends in this life!” “How about we incarnate as partners the next time?” Or “What about I will be your grandma & you will be my grandchild, then I can spoil you as much as I want!  We have had a pretty rough time last time, now I want our relationship to be pleasant!”

To me, this makes soooo much sense! I truly love this idea! I also think our souls and soul friends pick challenges that we want to face and difficulties we want to learn from. They basically come up with a plan on what to do, how to do it, where, who else is involved, how they look… basically working out all the details & then “Puufff” the souls get transferred into a little human embryo and the adventure begins!

Now, what does that mean for me and my hats?

Very simply put, it means I choose ALL of them myself, together with those souls that are closest to me, that I like the most, who are enow my family & friends. We came up with me looking like I do, with my blond hair & my disability, with the family dynamics that I grew up with, with the friendships and relationships I had, and still will have in my life… all was thought through about me and my loved souls in my past life and now the adventure is to live it, without knowing what and who will come next, simply enjoy the ride & make the best of it.

If I before said that wearing my Woman-Hat and Disabled-Hat was decided by biology, that is still true, because the biology of human beings is based on certain principles. My soul did her plan before that, and biology executed it basically.

Maybe you wonder, how can she say that? Especially being a scientist, it doesn’t make sense!

Well, to that I say: I am still a scientist, I am a biologist & can trust & believe in the laws of nature, molecular biology, biochemistry, genetics & all other sciences. AND I can at the same time hold space for everything that is not scientifically proven, yet ;-). To me, both can coexist. And trust me, I have troubles sometimes to hold space for seemingly contradictory feelings, but somehow I managed to be a scientist and an artist as well, so it’s possible to throw in religion & spirituality on that too ;-).

The most important thing here is: do these believes harm me or others? They clearly don’t. What I believe in affects firstly me, and believing in past and future lives is a relief for me, on many levels. As I mentioned before, it makes me not fear my own death… while I still fear the death of my closest loved people immensely.

It also makes me feel grateful knowing that I chose this life path, it was not random, it was not cruel to take away fingers and toes from me, but there were lessons to be learned from it, and I wanted them myself. It also means, my family and friends and other human-to-human interactions were decided before. It brings an overall ease to my life, my thoughts & my emotions and the general feeling I carry inside of me.

It also contributes to my curiosity of exploring all kinds of ideas, concepts and keep being interested in different ways of living life and doing things.

In the end, I have to admit that I love to be many things at once, to wear all those different hats & integrate into the Daria that I currently am! And I am excited which other hats my soul has planned for me to wear in this lifetime!

Love,

Daria

Wonderings:

Do you believe in past & future lives?

Is there more than science can explain?

What brings ease to your life?