05. The hat of being a blondie

What a seemingly superficial aspect of me... but not really

Writing about this Blondie-Hat came up as a surprise somehow, while I was thinking about which other hats I am wearing, I had to laugh about that one. Cos it’s so random and it’s also a bit superficial, it’s just a hair color… right?

Well, yes,… and also no.

Just like dad-jokes exist, blondie-jokes existed when I grew up. And they were specifically targeted to blond woman. And guess what one of the main characteristics of those blond women is? They were very dumb and stupid. Somehow never the brunettes were stupid, or the red-haired woman, only those with blond hair.

We used to have, also still have it maybe, the typical stereotype of a blond woman, in a pink dress, nice makeup, being portrayed as superficial, and again: stupid. Barbies used to look like that too, till now that changed a bit, but the stereotype of a blond, dumb, well-dressed woman, with long hair still persists somehow.

For me, being a long-haired blond woman my whole life, I never cared about these jokes, they were ridiculous, not even funny and honestly very stupid. I would love to know who came up with those? I never felt attacked or hurt by these jokes cos I knew they were not true, I was certainly not stupid and I knew many blond girls that were not stupid either.

And yet, I was always very aware of the attention I drew on me, and it often seemed to have been because of my hair...

Maybe good for you to know, I always had very light-blond hair, I still have, even now in my mid-thirties, it never got darker. I never colored it either, its still its natural virgin color it always had :-D. The sun does its due diligence in changing its hue throughout the year.

When I was younger, my auntie would always point out that people looked at me when we were walking the streets in my hometown in Poland. I was drawing attention without even doing anything. I did not particularly like it, I felt embarrassed & I never liked to be in the center of attention. Her theory was that they were doing that because of my hair.

When I was travelling in Mexico with my then-boyfriend and his family, I stood out so much, just because phenotypically I was obviously not local, people would look at me as well. I kept on ignoring it. However, by then I developed a strategy that I still noticed their looks, but I would actively not pay attention to it.

My peripheral vision and awareness became quite good. Also good to have in Mexico City, which one never knows what could happen on any random street. On one occasion, a car passed us & my boyfriend was asked if I was a prostitute. While standing there in shorts and t-shirt, with a family! Insanity! I immediately covered myself up.

When I went to India the first time, I stopped counting how many times people would ask me to take a picture with them. Again, I was obviously looking different. My teacher told me that for her blond daughter, it was like this all her life as well. Another confirmation I collected that somehow blond hair seems to draw attention. She explained, it’s a shiny glow that surrounds us because of the light color of the hair. In a way, that makes sense to me. Bright things often get attention, so does light hair.

The fact that this occurrence was not only something I experienced, and it happened in many different social and societal surroundings, makes me wonder why that is? It also seems to be a beauty-ideal. In many countries women color their hair blond regularly. Why is it like that?

I have to be honest, I am happy with my haircolor & I don’t feel like changing it, cos the time & effort doing that would annoy me. At the same time, I know through experience that I get attention, no matter what, at least partly because of my light hair. This is why I used to avoid to dress a certain way, to not draw even more attention towards me. It was a bit restrictive I have to be honest and I admire when woman do it anyways.

I was always happy that as a scientist, I was surrounded by other scientists who did not pay too much attention to clothes, no fancy shirt-&-tie attire needed. Being a blond woman in a male dominated field dressing nicely when people knew I was smart, was maybe even a bit of extra fun to do ;-), just to break the stereotype. Uh, that’s generally something I like to do! Breaking stereotypes!

…But honestly, I am a bit surprised how much time and text this Blondie-Hat took till now… I didn’t expect that and I am not sure why that is…maybe it is not that superficial, maybe there is something more important & worthy to think about here…

There is this thing that floats around in society, of victims and perpetrators, of woman and men and assaults that happen; if they could have been avoided, why, how, by who etc. It’s a sensitive topic and there is NO JUSTIFICATION for anyone doing harm to another person, be it a woman, a man, a child, a grown-up, a blond person, a brunette, in a dress or in pants. It is never okay!

At the same time, what does that mean for me now? With all the observations and experiences I just described to you? I was never the victim of any assault, I was never even a victim of bullying, even though I am a blond, disabled woman.

Me knowing that these terrible things exist and that my hair draws attention to myself, should I still walk dressed up into an area of a city where I know criminal activity is high? No, I don’t want to do that. Should I color my hair and dress in potato sacks? No, I don’t want to do that either. Does all that I have described here mean, IF something happened to me, that it’s my fault? No, I dont think so. 

The only think I can do is, to be who I am, how I am, don’t cause harm, be aware of my surrounding and try to keep myself as safe as possible. Does this mean that I play into the hands of agreeing to perpetrators that its my fault if something happens to me, by trying to keep myself safe? I dont think so.

Its a confusing topic... Should I be offended if someone wants to protect me, especially a man, because I can’t protect myself? No, I don’t think so either. I would feel honored if a man feels like he wants to protect me, I would not be offended at all & blame him of believing I can’t protect myself; cos physically speaking: I am weaker than most men. For me it is a great gesture of safety, trust & care.

Does this then mean that I am not a strong woman, that I agree that women are weak? Nooo, of course not! I am both, I am a strong person and I am also a weak person, on different levels, and being both of that is totally okay.

Just like I am a blond woman, with a PhD in Plant Science and my own company, clearly not stupid. Therefore, if you see me walking around in a pink dress, it's because I love it and like to dress up sometimes, even if I will look like a stereotypical Barbie. I dont care.

I didn’t expect to end up with such tough topics when writing about my Blondie-Hat. This just shows that everything is connected and relevant to explore.

I feel that the important thing is to be aware as much as possible what is going on in our surroundings and within ourselves and why, and then decide what is the best way to operate, without compromising on our safety and truest self.

Love,

Daria

Wonderings:

If you are a blondie too, what are your experiences?

Does it matter to you how people look?