04. The hat of womanhood
How I wear my womanhood-hat
I remember the day I got my period, the official biological milestone of becoming a woman.
It was a dark Saturday. Mainly because we had a storm roaring, dark clouds, rain, it was in the afternoon & my parents were taking a nap.
I felt a bit of pain in my lower abdomen, went to pee in the bathroom & noticed my red pee. “Did I eat red beets?” I wondered; no I didn’t.
After further examination, I realized I was bleeding. Welcome Hat of Womanhood!
I didn’t want to wake up my mom, so I decided to look into her period-stuffs & picked a pad that I stuffed in my panties. I felt weird to use a tampon, how would I even put that thing up my secret parts? No thanks.
It also felt weird to wear a pad, like a diaper, even though I clearly had no conscious memories of my baby- or toddler-hat at that time anymore.
Well, that’s that, I was a woman now. I talked to my mom later on & from then on, it was a monthly reoccurrence.
I quickly realized, that having a period seemed to be something not pleasant for most woman, something annoying, an occurrence that would rather be avoided, something disgusting even!
If I think about all this now, it’s truly a tragedy! How come such a special occasion is seen as a burden, as something shameful & disgusting? Society clearly failed here.
No wonder I was super surprised when my first boyfriend told me: “I don’t mind, it’s okay for me either way. We can also just hang out & watch a movie” when I told him one day, that I am on my period, feeling ashamed cos I thought he wouldn’t want to have sex with me. My relief! You can’t even imagine.
Other than that, after my Womanhood-Hat appeared, not much changed for me. Sure, puberty came, pimples came, sometimes really badly and I was very un-womanly, as I was not interested in boys for a long time. I had plenty of boy-friends, they were awesome to play with, hang out & go on adventures. I also had many girl-friends, it didn’t matter to me so much if my friend was a boy or a girl.
I sometimes even doubted, if I would ever have a boyfriend, because who knows? Maybe no one would like me cos I was also wearing a disabled-hat, more about that hat of mine in my first two posts :-). But I got a first boyfriend with 19 & it was a great one, I am truly happy about our almost three years together. He will always have a special place in my heart!
Oh yeah, one other thing changed! I got another doctor! I was officially allowed to go to this specialized medical professional: my very own gynecologist! Not only mine of course, he was my moms as well ;-)!
And guess what: I liked him a lot! I didn’t even mind to go there, no matter the general check-ups, the more specialized ones, or the emergency cases: I enjoyed my visits to him.
Why, you might wonder? Cos he made it feel normal. We talked about all kinds of other things, everyday things, school, studies, life & on the side he checked on me & my woman-parts & all was good. I can’t stress enough how important a great gynecologist is! HUGELY important!
Other than that, being in my mid-thirties now, my Woman-Hat has become a normal thing to me. I still notice the dislike about periods in some of my fellow women.
However, I clearly see a difference when it comes to reproduction, it is quite important in our age group & it suddenly becomes a more present topic, or at least its consequences of young, new humans popping up here and there. But also, the devastating effects, if this part of our womanhood does not work as it should. We suddenly seem to see and feel its importance much more than when we were younger.
I wish we would be taught differently as girls, from the beginning, the very day we get our period.
I wish we would grow up knowing how special it is to have our period, what a beautiful & miraculous occurrence, one that should be honored, loved & appreciated.
After all, we carry the possibility to bring other humans onto this earth, be it boys or girls, it’s a huge honor & I wish all parts of it would be celebrated more.
Love,
Daria
Wonderings:
Do you remember the appearance of your Womanhood-Hat?
How have you felt about your period?
Did it change over time?